I turned 40 a week ago, yay! I love my birthday, I love getting older and hopefully wiser.
So, I'm also 339 pounds. And I'm not 10 feet tall. I need to change, I'm constantly fighting physical restrictions and mental beat-down... plus the fact that I am a horrible example for my two girls. Who knows what kind of body issues they might develop because of me.
The last few days at work have been hard. I am the elephant in the room, not able to perform the way I want to because of my weight, everyone thinking the same thing but not saying anything (which is good because I would be mortified!)
You might be wondering how ANYONE could get so big. I've always struggled with my weight. My Dad put me on all sorts of diets in high school, I was a size 14 back then... oh how fat I thought I was! After my first child I ballooned to 238 and thought how can I be this size! I started Weight Watchers, paused for 9 months, gave birth to my 2nd baby, and slimmed down to a 133! That's a size 4! Of course to maintain that size 4 I started vomiting. I was ok with that... my husband wasnt, he said he'd rather have me put on weight than treat my body so badly and be a horrible example for my girls.
He was right. And I got depressed because I LIKED vomiting. I loved being skinny and eating what I wanted.
Anyway. Depression, weight gaining meds (for depression), no exercise, more weight gaining meds (diagnosed as bi-polar), and full-on-bingeing has brought me to 339.
In the last eight years I've tried many diets and gone up and down, everyone knows someone who does that... just not to this extent.
Weight Watchers, Naturally Slim, Nutrisystem, Bod4God, Plexus Slim... so many choices to go back to. I think I'll try a mix between NS, WW, Bod4God, and exercise... and I'll be holding myself accountable right here.
Next post is going to include a photo. Eek. But it must be done! I can not continue on this road.
God loves me and will guide me to succes.
-Kitty
